I never really wanted to.

I'm such a bullsh*t for sharing this, though it's all in the past now.

2007-09-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

And so the days grew just a bit longer than before.

I never really wanted to, but she just made me fall more faster. From there, I then realized that I just somehow forced myself to face what's infront of me.
It grew very differently from the way I wanted it to be--not like this, it's just another side of what story lies within. I pretend. Yes, and I acted well enough on making the majority believe on waht I am feeling...

She smiled with such gladness. What a make believe I have found myself in, I smiled back knowning the fact that the feeling that she's in a lie everytime I look at her. She's just so fragile, and at the same time so powerful without any barriers holding her back... She made me fall too fast. Way too fast. Before I know it, I'm already in a moshpit, smothered by flattery. I couldn't control myself but to accept the reality of what's in store for me. What a such beauty to arouse myself on something I never wanted to happen. It made me feel contented in a short period of time, even without having the thought of what may happen in the coming future.

Have I taken this serious enough, or am I just having a shot of some taste that I could never really have?

A day has ended. And I am in a meloncholic trauma of what happend to me in the past. I could try to be all fine, to be just the one who I am before but I Just couldn't. It's eating me alive. An emotion a bit too strong, which within me has devoured.

Have I fallen really in love? Finally, I thought of something new. Really new. And so, I grabbed what device I could pick-up so that I could utterly confess what I have in mind. She answers right back--a voice of rejection I heard. The conversation ended right there, with me left in silence for a moment... For a day.
I couldn't believe it, it's like I was used, played with. Such an unfair moment for me to the fact that I am willing to take the risk and everything, but I guess it wasn't just enough to be the one beside her.

I guess she just needed more of what I could give, what I could offer. Or maybe... She just needed no one at the moment. What happened? I mean, there was something--a possible spark, but she gave up on it. The potential of what could someday blossom ended right at the moment when I just wanted to begin. Could I say that "We almost had it"; well I think I just fell way too short... I know you weren't ready. but why fonder with the feeling of falling deeply, then suddenly grab a branch to stop from feeling such?

Then you said I'm just taking it way too seriously, when in the first place; you were the one who made me think that I should. Your actions just don't suit your words. You're too strong when it comes the the art of conversation and argument, but I could feel that it's also the same thing that makes you weak. Were you surprised of what had happend? Suddenly you couldn't control it any longer so then you gave up and turned away. Now, I was left like a fool of the remanants of what just happend. I tried to pick it up, assemble and somehow show to you that I'm worth the try. But you couldn't agree with it.

Oh well... It's all in the past now, and all I have to do is to live with it. Thanks for hurting me, though I know I myself is the one to blame.

Buti pa ang...

2007-08-31T03:06:00.000-07:00

I just saw this one sa kung saan-saan. Wala lang, nakakatuwa eh. Bakit ba?!

buti pa ang kalendaryo may date
buti pa ang hersheys may kisses
buti pa ang probability may chance
yung ibang tao wala
buti pa ang telepono hini-hello
buti pa ang film nadi-develop
buti pa ang typewriter nata-type-pan
yung ibang tao hindi
buti pa ang exams sinasagot
buti pa ang problema iniisip
buti pa ang assignment inu-uwi
yung ibang tao hindi
buti pa ang panyo na dadantay sa pisngi
buti pa ang baso dinadampian ng labi
buti pa ang unan inaakap sa gabi
yung ibang tao hindi pwede
buti pa ang kamalian napapansin
buti pa ang salamin minamasdan
buti pa ang hininga hinahabol
yung ibang tao hindi
buti pa ang tindera nagpapatawad
buti pa ang awit at tugtog pinagsasama
buti pa ang sugat inaalagaan
yung ibang tao hindi
buti pa ang lungs malapit sa puso
buti pa ang kotse mahal
buti pa ang pera iniingatan
yung ibang tao hindi

Boxed-up Frailty.

2007-08-23T10:05:00.000-07:00

It's all inside, inside, inside.

Yah! Honestly, this past few weeks or months--still, I'm not in my normal state of mind. LOL! Haha! Is there such?

Anyways, I've been doing nothing lately, and its what's making me busy. =)) Some of my friends wonder why am I acting this way, I'm all going back to the old Timmy I've been.

Loner, suplado, and the like--to which I totally disagree. Some say that I'm not that approachable anymore, nor jolly to talk to.

Fragile: I am right now. There's this regrets and guilts within me that I, myself haven't yet discovered. Maybe, it's one reason why I'm gone snobbish and stuff lately.

Also, maybe it's time for me to honestly confess that I am lonely. I feel alone in a quite some time now. It sucks, and I hate the f*ckin' feeling.

Woo~

2007-08-18T04:04:00.000-07:00

Tinatamad na ako mag post dito, pero sige.. Balang araw sisipagin din ako at magiging nakakatuwa ang blog ko na ito.

=))

Shoutbox!

2007-08-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

Bleh!

I've placed a shout box! =))

Haha! Sana pag tumagal sipagin na akong mag post dito sa blog na toh. Haha!

And YES, I miss her.

2007-07-30T20:44:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, I miss you.

I know she's just there, still, I miss her. :(

Run away

2007-07-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

Because I think it's better to.

It's far more better to pretend.

I'm contented right now--I think.

It's a comfort to know

2007-07-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

Give up to give in

It's a comfort to know that you still find a way to make yourself feel happy. :)

Rant: Argh! I can't write anything that's long or has an elaborated explanation of what I want to talk about. O.o
Rave: Sa wakas hindi mainit ang panahon. =))

For a change

2007-07-15T02:51:00.000-07:00

With every end comes a new.

Oh well, this new blog will serve as a start of something new for me. There's been so many changes that happend to me lately, and some has already been thrown in my so-called past.

It's all a memory now.

Right now, I am not happy nor lonely. Kaya sa mga tao jan na nagsasabi na in love ako or emo ako--well, hindi. Nasa tamang mood lang ako. I don't know... Sometimes I feel like I'm having a battle between having a fair emotion and a rising affection.